Marriage
Why is marriage so important in Sikhee?
Guru Sahib has taught us to live in Grihstee (house holder life) this is the only true way one will purify this filthy mind and become pure in the eyes of Guru Sahib.
Daas has tried to explain in many previous posts why one will only become pure through keeping Grihstee Jeevan, even Bhai Gurdaas Jee gave an amazing amount of respect to one who purifies their mind whilst living in Girastee Jeevan, Bhai Sahib was not Girastee himself, but said this is the best form of living, and keeping Man-dee-Rehit, (discipline of mind), as this is the most difficult Rehit to keep.
(Bhai Gurdaas Jee Ang 6)
ਘਰਬਾਰੀ ਜੀਵਨ ਮੁਕਤਿ ਲਹਰ ਨਹੀਂ ਲਬ ਲੋਭ ਿਬਆਪੈ॥
ghurubaaree jeevun mukath lehur nehee lub lobh biaapai
The householder is liberated in life; he is not afraid of the waves of the world's ocean and fear does not enter his heart.
Only through practising Gurmat in this terrifying world Ocean will one be liberated, Guru Sahib will give the Gurmukh guidance and wisdom through Shabad in how to deal with everyday life comfortably, and also how to keep close to Guru Sahibs feet through the support of Athai Pehar Naam Abhiyaas. A Gursikh will never feel uncomfortable in any situation, as the Gurmukhs mind will be relaxed and open through Shabad, a Gurmukh will deal with every situation peacefully and lovingly, one will propose all means before drawing the Sword. (Please refer to the Saint-Soldier article). The Gurmukh becomes Pooran (pure) by accepting the will of the great Lord Vahiguroo. The Gurmukh cannot be knocked out of balance, as one deals with every situation in Sehj through Shabad.
One of the main reasons why it is so important to be Girastee and married is if one runs away from society and the world to meditate like Siddhs, Buddhs they would reach very high states of spirituality, but if they decided to return they would most definitely struggle in the World, as they have not taught their minds how to deal with worldly situations in peace with a balanced mind through Shabad, their minds would be caught up in evil thoughts, and even meditation and keeping concentration would be an up hill struggle for these people. It would take a lot longer to reach high states of spirituality in Girastee than it would running away from the world, for obvious reasons of Dhiaan (concentration) would take longer to develop, but one thing is for sure the Gurmukh develops Dhiaan slowly through Shabad but would be poised in every worldly situation.
The other reason is the Siddhs, Jatees, Tappees etc never did anything for society in terms of virtues spreading love, compassion and bringing people on to the path of God for liberation and a much more peaceful life.
ਖਾਧੀ ਖੁਣਸ ਜੋਗੀਸ਼ਰਾਂ ਗੋਸਟ ਕਰਨ ਸਭੇ ਉਠ ਆਈ॥
khaadhee khunus jogeeshuraa gosutt kurun subhae outh aaee
All the yogis getting irritated grouped together and came forward to have a debate.
ਪੁਛੇ ਜੋਗੀ ਭੰਗ੍ਰ ਨਾਥ ਤੁਹਿ ਦੁਧ ਿਵਚ ਿਕਉਂ ਕਾਂਜੀ ਪਾਈ॥
pushae jogee bhungr naath thuhi dhudh vich kio kaajee paaee
Yogi Bhangar Nath asked, (Why have you put vinegar in milk?)
ਫਿਿਟ ਆ ਚਾਟਾ ਦੁਧ ਦਾ ਿਰੜਿਕਆਂ ਮਖਣ ਹਥ ਨ ਆਈ॥
fitt aa chaattaa dhudh dhaa rirrakiaa mukhun huth n aaee
The spoiled milk cannot be churned into butter.
ਭੇਖ ਉਾਤਰ ਉਦਾਸ ਦਾ ਵਤ ਕਿਉਂ ਸੰਸਾਰੀ ਰੀਤ ਚਲਾਈ॥
bhaekh ouaathur oudhaas dhaa vuth kio sunsaaree reeth chulaaee
How have you put off yogic garb and attired yourself in a household way.
ਨਾਨਕ ਆਖੇ ਭੰਗ੍ਰਨਾਥ ਤੇਰੀ ਮਾਉ ਕੁਚੱਜੀ ਆਈ॥
naanuk aakhae bhungrunaath thaeree maao kuchuujee aaee
Said Nanak, (O Bhangar Nath, your mother-teacher is unmannerly)
ਭਾਂਡਾ ਧੋਇ ਨ ਜਾਤਿਓਨ ਭਾਇ ਕੁਚਜੇ ਫੁਲ ਸੜਾਈ॥
bhaaddaa dhoe n jaathioun bhaae kuchujae ful surraaee
She has not cleansed the innerself of your body-pot and your clumpsy thoughts have burnt your flower (of knowledge which was to become fruit).
ਹੋਇ ਅਤੀਤ ਗਿ੍ਰਹਸਤ ਤਜ ਿਫਰ ਉਨਹੂੰਕੇ ਘਰ ਮੰਗਨ ਜਾਈ॥
hoe atheeth grihusuth thuj fir ounehoonkae ghur mungun jaaee
You, while distancing and repudiating house hold life, go again to those householders for begging.
ਬਿਨ ਿਦਤੇ ਿਕਛ ਹਥ ਨ ਆਈ ॥ôú॥
bin dhithae kish huth n aaee
Except their offerings you don’t get anything.
Bhai Gurdaas Jee is saying in this Shabad, the Yogees have earned no divine wisdom according to Gurmat and virtuous living, they have given nothing in terms of wisdom and virtue to the householders, but yet they go begging to the householders for money in terms for survival, Bhai Sahib has called them selfish and unmannerly.
When the time is right a Gursikh should always prepare for marriage, this is a very tricky situation, as one is use to practicing and living by their self. A Gurmukh should not look too hard in to marriage, as one should be in loving devotion with the Lord, a Gurmukh will live in Bhaanaa (the will of God) and let be, Guru Sahib will find the right soul mate when the time is right. Thinking about marriage will stop ones development in Sikhee and unbalance the mind. One should leave this decision to Guru Sahib and practice patience.
(Ang 98)
mnu qnu sIqlu DIrju pwieAw ]
mun thun seethul dheeruj paaeiaa
My mind and body have been cooled and soothed; I have been blessed with patience and composure.
One should realize the importance of marriage, one should realize how to love, respect and accept their partners for what they are, as Guru Sahib has made everybody different. Marriage is the merging of two souls in which have been separated for many lifetimes.
Love is very important in a relationship this should not be mistaken by attachment the two are totally different. The word love means sacrifice of ones being for another. Guru Gobind Singh Jee loved all beings as one, when a Gursikh asked Guru Sahib to cover the bodies of his brave Shaheed (martyrs) sons, Guru Sahib said, have you got enough material to cover the bodies of all of my sons and daughters on the battlefield. Guru Sahib was blessed with true devotional divine love at the same time Guru Sahib was detached. One must love but learn to let go and remain detached.
(Ang 788)
ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਏਿਹ ਨ ਆਖੀਅਿਨ ਬਹਿਨ ਇਕਠੇ ਹੋਇ ॥
dhun pir eaehi n aakheean behan eikuthae hoe
They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together.
ਏਕ ਜੋਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਮੂਰਤੀ ਧਨ ਿਪਰੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸੋਇ ॥੩॥
eaek joth dhue mooruthee dhun pir keheeai soe
They alone are called husband and wife, who have one light in two bodies. 3
Dhan Guru Amardaas Jee, Guru sahib has explained the beautiful meaning of marriage in these two lines, Husband and Wife are one, one soul in two bodies, they are Sangat, they live in peace, they are one to one with each other, they will only be separated and departed through death.
Guru Sahib says in Gurbaanee two souls only come together through past deeds, these souls were made to be together in this life, they should never be separated.
Divorce is a very big problem in Western countries, the sad thing is practicing Amritdhaaree Gursikhs are getting divorced. The reason for this is Ego and negative minds. The Gursikhs who turn to divorce have never really understood the true meaning of marriage in Gurmat. A Naam Abhiyaasee Gursikh battling with their mind every second of the day would never turn to divorce.
The choice of Divorce is a 'no no' for a Gursikh no matter what the circumstance, just as the choice of being homosexual or committing suicide is not accepted in Gurmat, a Gursikh should always turn to Shabad and Gurbaanee for support stay strong and live in Bhaanaa (the divine will).
Daas understands there are many ups and downs in relationships, but the true Gurmukh always deals with them in peace and love, the true Gurmukh changes their partners negative mind in to a positive mind by not reacting negatively, we have to accept everybody is different and that it is our duty to make this relationship work, even if this means a sacrifice in personal Jeevan or Rehit for the time being. We have to remember we cannot have everything our way, as now we are two bodies one soul. It only takes one Gurmukh in a relationship to purify the relationship and live in everlasting peace, as arguments, disagreements, and negatives only come through ego and reacting.
The other thing we have to remember is our marriage ceremony has been witnessed by Guru Sahib and the Sangat through Shabad, an Ardaas has been done for everlasting commitment and blessing in this relationship. It is not for us to separate in this relationship, if anyone has the authority to divide us it is only Guru Sahib. DIVORCE IS A SIGN OF TOTAL MANMAT.
ਜਿਉ ਤਰੁਣੀ ਕਉ ਕੰਤੁ ਬਾਲਹਾ ਿਤਉ ਮੇਰੈ ਮਿਨ ਰਾਮਈਆ ॥੩॥
jio thurunee ko kunth baalehaa thio maerai man raameeaa
and the husband is dear to his wife, so is the Lord to my mind. 3
Guru Sahib explains in this Shabad, just as the Husband is dear to his Wife in this way our true Husband Lord should always be dear to our minds through loving devotion of Naam.
ਸੂਹੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ॥
soohee mehulaa 4
Soohee, Fourth Mehl:
ਹਰਿ ਪਿਹਲੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਪਰਿਵਰਤੀ ਕਰਮ ਿਦ੍ਰੜਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
har pehilurree laav puraviruthee kurum dhrirraaeiaa bal raam jeeo
In the first round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord sets out His Instructions for performing the daily duties of married life.
ਬਾਣੀ ਬ੍ਰਹਮਾ ਵੇਦੁ ਧਰਮੁ ਦਿ੍ਰੜਹੁ ਪਾਪ ਤਜਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
baanee brehumaa vaedh dhurum dhrirruhu paap thujaaeiaa bal raam jeeo
Instead of the hymns of the Vedas to Brahma, embrace the righteous conduct of Dharma, and renounce sinful actions.
ਧਰਮੁ ਦਿ੍ਰੜਹੁ ਹਿਰ ਨਾਮੁ ਿਧਆਵਹੁ ਿਸਿਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਨਾਮੁ ਿਦ੍ਰੜਾਇਆ ॥
dhurum dhrirruhu har naam dhiaavuhu simrith naam dhrirraaeiaa
Meditate on the Lord's Name; embrace and enshrine the contemplative remembrance of the Naam.
ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਆਰਾਧਹੁ ਸਿਭ ਿਕਲਿਵਖ ਪਾਪ ਗਵਾਇਆ ॥
sathigur gur pooraa aaraadhuhu sabh kilavikh paap guvaaeiaa
Worship and adore the Guru, the Perfect True Guru, and all your sins shall be dispelled.
ਸਹਜ ਅਨੰਦੁ ਹੋਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਮਨਿ ਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ॥
sehuj anundh hoaa vuddubhaagee man har har meethaa laaeiaa
By great good fortune, celestial bliss is attained, and the Lord, Har, Har, seems sweet to the mind.
ਜਨੁ ਕਹੈ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਲਾਵ ਪਹਿਲੀ ਆਰੰਭੁ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ॥੧॥
jun kehai naanuk laav pehilee aarunbh kaaj ruchaaeiaa
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the first round of the marriage ceremony, the marriage ceremony has begun. 1
ਹਰਿ ਦੂਜੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਸਿਤਗੁਰੁ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਿਮਲਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
har dhoojurree laav sathigur purukh milaaeiaa bal raam jeeo
In the second round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord leads you to meet the True Guru, the Primal Being.
ਨਿਰਭਉ ਭੈ ਮਨੁ ਹੋਇ ਹਉਮੈ ਮੈਲੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
nirubho bhai mun hoe houmai mail guvaaeiaa bal raam jeeo
With the Fear of God, the Fearless Lord in the mind, the filth of egotism is eradicated.
ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਭਉ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਿਰ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਹਿਰ ਵੇਖੈ ਰਾਮੁ ਹਦੂਰੇ ॥
nirumul bho paaeiaa har gun gaaeiaa har vaekhai raam hudhoorae
In the Fear of God, the Immaculate Lord, sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord, and behold the Lord's Presence before you.
ਹਰਿ ਆਤਮ ਰਾਮੁ ਪਸਾਿਰਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਸਰਬ ਰਿਹਆ ਭਰਪੂਰੇ ॥
har aathum raam pusaariaa suaamee surub rehiaa bhurupoorae
The Lord, the Supreme Soul, is the Lord and Master of the Universe; He is pervading and permeating everywhere, fully filling all spaces.
ਅੰਤਰਿ ਬਾਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਏਕੋ ਿਮਿਲ ਹਿਰ ਜਨ ਮੰਗਲ ਗਾਏ ॥
anthar baahar har prubh eaeko mil har jun mungul gaaeae
Deep within, and outside as well, there is only the One Lord God. Meeting together, the humble servants of the Lord sing the songs of joy.
ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੂਜੀ ਲਾਵ ਚਲਾਈ ਅਨਹਦ ਸਬਦ ਵਜਾਏ ॥੨॥
jun naanuk dhoojee laav chulaaee anehudh subudh vujaaeae
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the second round of the marriage ceremony, the unstruck sound current of the Shabad resounds. 2
ਹਰਿ ਤੀਜੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਮਿਨ ਚਾਉ ਭਇਆ ਬੈਰਾਗੀਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
har theejurree laav man chaao bhaeiaa bairaageeaa bal raam jeeo
In the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love.
ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਹਰਿ ਮੇਲੁ ਹਿਰ ਪਾਇਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
sunth junaa har mael har paaeiaa vuddubhaageeaa bal raam jeeo
Meeting with the humble Saints of the Lord, I have found the Lord, by great good fortune.
ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਹਿਰ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਿਰ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਮੁਿਖ ਬੋਲੀ ਹਿਰ ਬਾਣੀ ॥
nirumul har paaeiaa har gun gaaeiaa mukh bolee har baanee
I have found the Immaculate Lord, and I sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. I speak the Word of the Lord's Bani.
ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਕਥੀਐ ਅਕਥ ਕਹਾਣੀ ॥
sunth junaa vuddubhaagee paaeiaa har kutheeai akuth kehaanee
By great good fortune, I have found the humble Saints, and I speak the Unspoken Speech of the Lord.
ਹਿਰਦੈ ਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਧੁਿਨ ਉਪਜੀ ਹਿਰ ਜਪੀਐ ਮਸਤਿਕ ਭਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥
hirudhai har har har dhun oupujee har jupeeai musuthak bhaag jeeo
The Name of the Lord, Har, Har, Har, vibrates and resounds within my heart; meditating on the Lord, I have realized the destiny inscribed upon my forehead.
ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਤੀਜੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਉਪਜੈ ਮਿਨ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥੩॥
jun naanuk bolae theejee laavai har oupujai man bairaag jeeo
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love for the Lord. 3
ਹਰਿ ਚਉਥੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਮਿਨ ਸਹਜੁ ਭਇਆ ਹਿਰ ਪਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
har chouthurree laav man sehuj bhaeiaa har paaeiaa bal raam jeeo
In the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, my mind has become peaceful; I have found the Lord.
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਿਮਿਲਆ ਸੁਭਾਇ ਹਿਰ ਮਿਨ ਤਿਨ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
gurumukh miliaa subhaae har man than meethaa laaeiaa bal raam jeeo
As Gurmukh, I have met Him, with intuitive ease; the Lord seems so sweet to my mind and body.
ਹਰਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਮੇਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਭਾਇਆ ਅਨਿਦਨੁ ਹਿਰ ਿਲਵ ਲਾਈ ॥
har meethaa laaeiaa maerae prubh bhaaeiaa anadhin har liv laaee
The Lord seems so sweet; I am pleasing to my God. Night and day, I lovingly focus my consciousness on the Lord.
ਮਨ ਚਿੰਿਦਆ ਫਲੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਿਰ ਨਾਿਮ ਵਜੀ ਵਾਧਾਈ ॥
mun chindhiaa ful paaeiaa suaamee har naam vujee vaadhaaee
I have obtained my Lord and Master, the fruit of my mind's desires. The Lord's Name resounds and resonates.
ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਿਭ ਠਾਕੁਿਰ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ਧਨ ਿਹਰਦੈ ਨਾਿਮ ਿਵਗਾਸੀ ॥
har prabh thaakur kaaj ruchaaeiaa dhun hirudhai naam vigaasee
The Lord God, my Lord and Master, blends with His bride, and her heart blossoms forth in the Naam.
ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਚਉਥੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਅਿਵਨਾਸੀ ॥੪॥੨॥
jun naanuk bolae chouthee laavai har paaeiaa prubh avinaasee
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, we have found the Eternal Lord God. 42
Guru Raamdaas Jee explains in the Laavaa(n) above, the four stages of the wedding ceremony, in how a Gursikhs soul is united to the supreme soul through the devotional love of Naam. These verses are read out to us and sung to us in the form of Keertan whilst we perform the ceremony of marriage. Guru Sahib is uniting two souls they cannot be separated by any force in the World including our negative minds.
Please forgive Daas for any mistakes, as it was not Daas' intention to hurt any Soul.
The message Daas was trying to get across is divorce is a not right in Gurmat, and please think a thousand times before taking this step.
It only takes one Gurmukh to change the face of a relationship and this will only be accomplished by the teachings of Gurbaanee and Athai Pehar Naam Abhiyaas.
~~~~Next weeks article: "Without Naam"~~~~
Guru Sahib has taught us to live in Grihstee (house holder life) this is the only true way one will purify this filthy mind and become pure in the eyes of Guru Sahib.
Daas has tried to explain in many previous posts why one will only become pure through keeping Grihstee Jeevan, even Bhai Gurdaas Jee gave an amazing amount of respect to one who purifies their mind whilst living in Girastee Jeevan, Bhai Sahib was not Girastee himself, but said this is the best form of living, and keeping Man-dee-Rehit, (discipline of mind), as this is the most difficult Rehit to keep.
(Bhai Gurdaas Jee Ang 6)
ਘਰਬਾਰੀ ਜੀਵਨ ਮੁਕਤਿ ਲਹਰ ਨਹੀਂ ਲਬ ਲੋਭ ਿਬਆਪੈ॥
ghurubaaree jeevun mukath lehur nehee lub lobh biaapai
The householder is liberated in life; he is not afraid of the waves of the world's ocean and fear does not enter his heart.
Only through practising Gurmat in this terrifying world Ocean will one be liberated, Guru Sahib will give the Gurmukh guidance and wisdom through Shabad in how to deal with everyday life comfortably, and also how to keep close to Guru Sahibs feet through the support of Athai Pehar Naam Abhiyaas. A Gursikh will never feel uncomfortable in any situation, as the Gurmukhs mind will be relaxed and open through Shabad, a Gurmukh will deal with every situation peacefully and lovingly, one will propose all means before drawing the Sword. (Please refer to the Saint-Soldier article). The Gurmukh becomes Pooran (pure) by accepting the will of the great Lord Vahiguroo. The Gurmukh cannot be knocked out of balance, as one deals with every situation in Sehj through Shabad.
One of the main reasons why it is so important to be Girastee and married is if one runs away from society and the world to meditate like Siddhs, Buddhs they would reach very high states of spirituality, but if they decided to return they would most definitely struggle in the World, as they have not taught their minds how to deal with worldly situations in peace with a balanced mind through Shabad, their minds would be caught up in evil thoughts, and even meditation and keeping concentration would be an up hill struggle for these people. It would take a lot longer to reach high states of spirituality in Girastee than it would running away from the world, for obvious reasons of Dhiaan (concentration) would take longer to develop, but one thing is for sure the Gurmukh develops Dhiaan slowly through Shabad but would be poised in every worldly situation.
The other reason is the Siddhs, Jatees, Tappees etc never did anything for society in terms of virtues spreading love, compassion and bringing people on to the path of God for liberation and a much more peaceful life.
ਖਾਧੀ ਖੁਣਸ ਜੋਗੀਸ਼ਰਾਂ ਗੋਸਟ ਕਰਨ ਸਭੇ ਉਠ ਆਈ॥
khaadhee khunus jogeeshuraa gosutt kurun subhae outh aaee
All the yogis getting irritated grouped together and came forward to have a debate.
ਪੁਛੇ ਜੋਗੀ ਭੰਗ੍ਰ ਨਾਥ ਤੁਹਿ ਦੁਧ ਿਵਚ ਿਕਉਂ ਕਾਂਜੀ ਪਾਈ॥
pushae jogee bhungr naath thuhi dhudh vich kio kaajee paaee
Yogi Bhangar Nath asked, (Why have you put vinegar in milk?)
ਫਿਿਟ ਆ ਚਾਟਾ ਦੁਧ ਦਾ ਿਰੜਿਕਆਂ ਮਖਣ ਹਥ ਨ ਆਈ॥
fitt aa chaattaa dhudh dhaa rirrakiaa mukhun huth n aaee
The spoiled milk cannot be churned into butter.
ਭੇਖ ਉਾਤਰ ਉਦਾਸ ਦਾ ਵਤ ਕਿਉਂ ਸੰਸਾਰੀ ਰੀਤ ਚਲਾਈ॥
bhaekh ouaathur oudhaas dhaa vuth kio sunsaaree reeth chulaaee
How have you put off yogic garb and attired yourself in a household way.
ਨਾਨਕ ਆਖੇ ਭੰਗ੍ਰਨਾਥ ਤੇਰੀ ਮਾਉ ਕੁਚੱਜੀ ਆਈ॥
naanuk aakhae bhungrunaath thaeree maao kuchuujee aaee
Said Nanak, (O Bhangar Nath, your mother-teacher is unmannerly)
ਭਾਂਡਾ ਧੋਇ ਨ ਜਾਤਿਓਨ ਭਾਇ ਕੁਚਜੇ ਫੁਲ ਸੜਾਈ॥
bhaaddaa dhoe n jaathioun bhaae kuchujae ful surraaee
She has not cleansed the innerself of your body-pot and your clumpsy thoughts have burnt your flower (of knowledge which was to become fruit).
ਹੋਇ ਅਤੀਤ ਗਿ੍ਰਹਸਤ ਤਜ ਿਫਰ ਉਨਹੂੰਕੇ ਘਰ ਮੰਗਨ ਜਾਈ॥
hoe atheeth grihusuth thuj fir ounehoonkae ghur mungun jaaee
You, while distancing and repudiating house hold life, go again to those householders for begging.
ਬਿਨ ਿਦਤੇ ਿਕਛ ਹਥ ਨ ਆਈ ॥ôú॥
bin dhithae kish huth n aaee
Except their offerings you don’t get anything.
Bhai Gurdaas Jee is saying in this Shabad, the Yogees have earned no divine wisdom according to Gurmat and virtuous living, they have given nothing in terms of wisdom and virtue to the householders, but yet they go begging to the householders for money in terms for survival, Bhai Sahib has called them selfish and unmannerly.
When the time is right a Gursikh should always prepare for marriage, this is a very tricky situation, as one is use to practicing and living by their self. A Gurmukh should not look too hard in to marriage, as one should be in loving devotion with the Lord, a Gurmukh will live in Bhaanaa (the will of God) and let be, Guru Sahib will find the right soul mate when the time is right. Thinking about marriage will stop ones development in Sikhee and unbalance the mind. One should leave this decision to Guru Sahib and practice patience.
(Ang 98)
mnu qnu sIqlu DIrju pwieAw ]
mun thun seethul dheeruj paaeiaa
My mind and body have been cooled and soothed; I have been blessed with patience and composure.
One should realize the importance of marriage, one should realize how to love, respect and accept their partners for what they are, as Guru Sahib has made everybody different. Marriage is the merging of two souls in which have been separated for many lifetimes.
Love is very important in a relationship this should not be mistaken by attachment the two are totally different. The word love means sacrifice of ones being for another. Guru Gobind Singh Jee loved all beings as one, when a Gursikh asked Guru Sahib to cover the bodies of his brave Shaheed (martyrs) sons, Guru Sahib said, have you got enough material to cover the bodies of all of my sons and daughters on the battlefield. Guru Sahib was blessed with true devotional divine love at the same time Guru Sahib was detached. One must love but learn to let go and remain detached.
(Ang 788)
ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਏਿਹ ਨ ਆਖੀਅਿਨ ਬਹਿਨ ਇਕਠੇ ਹੋਇ ॥
dhun pir eaehi n aakheean behan eikuthae hoe
They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together.
ਏਕ ਜੋਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਮੂਰਤੀ ਧਨ ਿਪਰੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸੋਇ ॥੩॥
eaek joth dhue mooruthee dhun pir keheeai soe
They alone are called husband and wife, who have one light in two bodies. 3
Dhan Guru Amardaas Jee, Guru sahib has explained the beautiful meaning of marriage in these two lines, Husband and Wife are one, one soul in two bodies, they are Sangat, they live in peace, they are one to one with each other, they will only be separated and departed through death.
Guru Sahib says in Gurbaanee two souls only come together through past deeds, these souls were made to be together in this life, they should never be separated.
Divorce is a very big problem in Western countries, the sad thing is practicing Amritdhaaree Gursikhs are getting divorced. The reason for this is Ego and negative minds. The Gursikhs who turn to divorce have never really understood the true meaning of marriage in Gurmat. A Naam Abhiyaasee Gursikh battling with their mind every second of the day would never turn to divorce.
The choice of Divorce is a 'no no' for a Gursikh no matter what the circumstance, just as the choice of being homosexual or committing suicide is not accepted in Gurmat, a Gursikh should always turn to Shabad and Gurbaanee for support stay strong and live in Bhaanaa (the divine will).
Daas understands there are many ups and downs in relationships, but the true Gurmukh always deals with them in peace and love, the true Gurmukh changes their partners negative mind in to a positive mind by not reacting negatively, we have to accept everybody is different and that it is our duty to make this relationship work, even if this means a sacrifice in personal Jeevan or Rehit for the time being. We have to remember we cannot have everything our way, as now we are two bodies one soul. It only takes one Gurmukh in a relationship to purify the relationship and live in everlasting peace, as arguments, disagreements, and negatives only come through ego and reacting.
The other thing we have to remember is our marriage ceremony has been witnessed by Guru Sahib and the Sangat through Shabad, an Ardaas has been done for everlasting commitment and blessing in this relationship. It is not for us to separate in this relationship, if anyone has the authority to divide us it is only Guru Sahib. DIVORCE IS A SIGN OF TOTAL MANMAT.
ਜਿਉ ਤਰੁਣੀ ਕਉ ਕੰਤੁ ਬਾਲਹਾ ਿਤਉ ਮੇਰੈ ਮਿਨ ਰਾਮਈਆ ॥੩॥
jio thurunee ko kunth baalehaa thio maerai man raameeaa
and the husband is dear to his wife, so is the Lord to my mind. 3
Guru Sahib explains in this Shabad, just as the Husband is dear to his Wife in this way our true Husband Lord should always be dear to our minds through loving devotion of Naam.
ਸੂਹੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ॥
soohee mehulaa 4
Soohee, Fourth Mehl:
ਹਰਿ ਪਿਹਲੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਪਰਿਵਰਤੀ ਕਰਮ ਿਦ੍ਰੜਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
har pehilurree laav puraviruthee kurum dhrirraaeiaa bal raam jeeo
In the first round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord sets out His Instructions for performing the daily duties of married life.
ਬਾਣੀ ਬ੍ਰਹਮਾ ਵੇਦੁ ਧਰਮੁ ਦਿ੍ਰੜਹੁ ਪਾਪ ਤਜਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
baanee brehumaa vaedh dhurum dhrirruhu paap thujaaeiaa bal raam jeeo
Instead of the hymns of the Vedas to Brahma, embrace the righteous conduct of Dharma, and renounce sinful actions.
ਧਰਮੁ ਦਿ੍ਰੜਹੁ ਹਿਰ ਨਾਮੁ ਿਧਆਵਹੁ ਿਸਿਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਨਾਮੁ ਿਦ੍ਰੜਾਇਆ ॥
dhurum dhrirruhu har naam dhiaavuhu simrith naam dhrirraaeiaa
Meditate on the Lord's Name; embrace and enshrine the contemplative remembrance of the Naam.
ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਆਰਾਧਹੁ ਸਿਭ ਿਕਲਿਵਖ ਪਾਪ ਗਵਾਇਆ ॥
sathigur gur pooraa aaraadhuhu sabh kilavikh paap guvaaeiaa
Worship and adore the Guru, the Perfect True Guru, and all your sins shall be dispelled.
ਸਹਜ ਅਨੰਦੁ ਹੋਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਮਨਿ ਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ॥
sehuj anundh hoaa vuddubhaagee man har har meethaa laaeiaa
By great good fortune, celestial bliss is attained, and the Lord, Har, Har, seems sweet to the mind.
ਜਨੁ ਕਹੈ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਲਾਵ ਪਹਿਲੀ ਆਰੰਭੁ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ॥੧॥
jun kehai naanuk laav pehilee aarunbh kaaj ruchaaeiaa
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the first round of the marriage ceremony, the marriage ceremony has begun. 1
ਹਰਿ ਦੂਜੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਸਿਤਗੁਰੁ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਿਮਲਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
har dhoojurree laav sathigur purukh milaaeiaa bal raam jeeo
In the second round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord leads you to meet the True Guru, the Primal Being.
ਨਿਰਭਉ ਭੈ ਮਨੁ ਹੋਇ ਹਉਮੈ ਮੈਲੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
nirubho bhai mun hoe houmai mail guvaaeiaa bal raam jeeo
With the Fear of God, the Fearless Lord in the mind, the filth of egotism is eradicated.
ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਭਉ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਿਰ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਹਿਰ ਵੇਖੈ ਰਾਮੁ ਹਦੂਰੇ ॥
nirumul bho paaeiaa har gun gaaeiaa har vaekhai raam hudhoorae
In the Fear of God, the Immaculate Lord, sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord, and behold the Lord's Presence before you.
ਹਰਿ ਆਤਮ ਰਾਮੁ ਪਸਾਿਰਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਸਰਬ ਰਿਹਆ ਭਰਪੂਰੇ ॥
har aathum raam pusaariaa suaamee surub rehiaa bhurupoorae
The Lord, the Supreme Soul, is the Lord and Master of the Universe; He is pervading and permeating everywhere, fully filling all spaces.
ਅੰਤਰਿ ਬਾਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਏਕੋ ਿਮਿਲ ਹਿਰ ਜਨ ਮੰਗਲ ਗਾਏ ॥
anthar baahar har prubh eaeko mil har jun mungul gaaeae
Deep within, and outside as well, there is only the One Lord God. Meeting together, the humble servants of the Lord sing the songs of joy.
ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੂਜੀ ਲਾਵ ਚਲਾਈ ਅਨਹਦ ਸਬਦ ਵਜਾਏ ॥੨॥
jun naanuk dhoojee laav chulaaee anehudh subudh vujaaeae
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the second round of the marriage ceremony, the unstruck sound current of the Shabad resounds. 2
ਹਰਿ ਤੀਜੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਮਿਨ ਚਾਉ ਭਇਆ ਬੈਰਾਗੀਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
har theejurree laav man chaao bhaeiaa bairaageeaa bal raam jeeo
In the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love.
ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਹਰਿ ਮੇਲੁ ਹਿਰ ਪਾਇਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
sunth junaa har mael har paaeiaa vuddubhaageeaa bal raam jeeo
Meeting with the humble Saints of the Lord, I have found the Lord, by great good fortune.
ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਹਿਰ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਿਰ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਮੁਿਖ ਬੋਲੀ ਹਿਰ ਬਾਣੀ ॥
nirumul har paaeiaa har gun gaaeiaa mukh bolee har baanee
I have found the Immaculate Lord, and I sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. I speak the Word of the Lord's Bani.
ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਕਥੀਐ ਅਕਥ ਕਹਾਣੀ ॥
sunth junaa vuddubhaagee paaeiaa har kutheeai akuth kehaanee
By great good fortune, I have found the humble Saints, and I speak the Unspoken Speech of the Lord.
ਹਿਰਦੈ ਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਧੁਿਨ ਉਪਜੀ ਹਿਰ ਜਪੀਐ ਮਸਤਿਕ ਭਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥
hirudhai har har har dhun oupujee har jupeeai musuthak bhaag jeeo
The Name of the Lord, Har, Har, Har, vibrates and resounds within my heart; meditating on the Lord, I have realized the destiny inscribed upon my forehead.
ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਤੀਜੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਉਪਜੈ ਮਿਨ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥੩॥
jun naanuk bolae theejee laavai har oupujai man bairaag jeeo
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love for the Lord. 3
ਹਰਿ ਚਉਥੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਮਿਨ ਸਹਜੁ ਭਇਆ ਹਿਰ ਪਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
har chouthurree laav man sehuj bhaeiaa har paaeiaa bal raam jeeo
In the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, my mind has become peaceful; I have found the Lord.
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਿਮਿਲਆ ਸੁਭਾਇ ਹਿਰ ਮਿਨ ਤਿਨ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਬਿਲ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
gurumukh miliaa subhaae har man than meethaa laaeiaa bal raam jeeo
As Gurmukh, I have met Him, with intuitive ease; the Lord seems so sweet to my mind and body.
ਹਰਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਮੇਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਭਾਇਆ ਅਨਿਦਨੁ ਹਿਰ ਿਲਵ ਲਾਈ ॥
har meethaa laaeiaa maerae prubh bhaaeiaa anadhin har liv laaee
The Lord seems so sweet; I am pleasing to my God. Night and day, I lovingly focus my consciousness on the Lord.
ਮਨ ਚਿੰਿਦਆ ਫਲੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਿਰ ਨਾਿਮ ਵਜੀ ਵਾਧਾਈ ॥
mun chindhiaa ful paaeiaa suaamee har naam vujee vaadhaaee
I have obtained my Lord and Master, the fruit of my mind's desires. The Lord's Name resounds and resonates.
ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਿਭ ਠਾਕੁਿਰ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ਧਨ ਿਹਰਦੈ ਨਾਿਮ ਿਵਗਾਸੀ ॥
har prabh thaakur kaaj ruchaaeiaa dhun hirudhai naam vigaasee
The Lord God, my Lord and Master, blends with His bride, and her heart blossoms forth in the Naam.
ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਚਉਥੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਅਿਵਨਾਸੀ ॥੪॥੨॥
jun naanuk bolae chouthee laavai har paaeiaa prubh avinaasee
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, we have found the Eternal Lord God. 42
Guru Raamdaas Jee explains in the Laavaa(n) above, the four stages of the wedding ceremony, in how a Gursikhs soul is united to the supreme soul through the devotional love of Naam. These verses are read out to us and sung to us in the form of Keertan whilst we perform the ceremony of marriage. Guru Sahib is uniting two souls they cannot be separated by any force in the World including our negative minds.
Please forgive Daas for any mistakes, as it was not Daas' intention to hurt any Soul.
The message Daas was trying to get across is divorce is a not right in Gurmat, and please think a thousand times before taking this step.
It only takes one Gurmukh to change the face of a relationship and this will only be accomplished by the teachings of Gurbaanee and Athai Pehar Naam Abhiyaas.
~~~~Next weeks article: "Without Naam"~~~~
posted by Gupt Wannabe Naam Abhiyaasee at 2:11 AM
6 Comments:
As I see it, marriage is a way of bringing souls blessed with human life into this world so that those souls could achieve the purpouse of getting born in human life.
I dont mean to hurt by giving your very example that if your parent thought the way you think, then you would not have been in the existance and without your existance what your purpose of life is would have had no relavance.
By saying lead a house holder life, it doesnot imply that you own a house or live with your parents. It means have a family of your own and fulfil your responsibilities toward your family and at the same time do athe pahar naam jaap... which if I'm not mistaken did most of our Gurus (except for Dhan Dhan Guru Harkishan Sahib jee Maharaaj due to His early in the life Joyti Jyot)
Bhul Chuk Dee Khema...
Very true. I am not debating what you say that One can still have a spiritual life without being married. Being a Guru’s Sikh, all I’m trying to do is reiterate what Guru Sahibaan preached and they lived what they preached.
waheguru
awesome post
guptsoulja..
its upto you jio. Guru maharaj ji will help u decide what is right for you. may be thats his hukum.
but i woud say that one Gursikh baba ji i had known since i was alittle kid...told me 1 yrs before he passed away that: bacchey live a graristh ...normal life.
the think is he himself didnt get married. He did naam jap in his bhoora and before that he stayed with Sant Attar Singh ji mastuaney. waley. He told us that sant attar singh ji tol dhim to go back to his village after a while, because it would help in his bhaggti. reason being he said that ur village people will not treate you as a sant of mahattma. they will see you as just a person from their village. It will help you in ur psitual life.
The thing is i didnt take amrit at the time when This babaji was alive. and he told me to live a family life, do not leave it. something in that context.
i was really surpised after ward when i got back to states. i didnt think about it until i took amrit. i have doubts about gettingmarried, but sometimes waheguru speacks to us through others. we just have to keep our mind open.
happens with Akal jis kirpa and loads of naam simran.
personaly i would say it really helps to understand Gurbani once one is in greehst life. u have to go through the hardship or leading a normal life( then u see that Waheguru is helping you in all the things) which would be hard to see otherwise. u will see how ur words affect others.... or the five theirves will try to take ovr you and what Gurbani does to u and putz those 5 in a prison. there are loads of things that we will miss out on that waheguru ji has sent us to "Parras"
Anand sahib
" ik vekh parrsan ayiya"
bhul chuk muaff!
live as if u were dead..and Let Guru sahib work through you!
To be honest jio...you dont have a choice. Even if you do belive that, what mahraj wants is more important and that is what will happen, if you like it or not. If it is in hukam that you will not get married and that have other seva like shahedee etc then that will surely happen. Hukam is more important then what we say or think!
Shakti Shali aka GuptSoulja,
U spend half ure time preaching to other people on the internet and spend less time actually jappin naam.
how can u jap naam when u r on the internet preachin 2 other people 24/7?
Do u think ure bhai randhir singh or somethin? haha
I believe that the term "gristi" needs to be relooked at in terms of its semantics.
What does it really mean? Is it householder's life or married life? Though I am married, I tend to support the notion that the word gristi does not mean married life.
I think if gristi is interpreted in the context of verses from Guruji's bani, the concept clearly promotes living within the society instead of abandoning it.
Guruji's emphasis, I believe, is not on his Sikh getting married, raising children. Instead the gristi jiwan is sansari jiwan, where one attunes oneself to Waheguruji while doing his chores; not being dependent on others for survival.
I mentioned that I am married. I work hard daily at balancing my spiritual and physical needs. It is not easy.
Yes, at times I do ask myself if getting married was the right thing to do? There is just so much of 'jhemeley' I had to face after getting married.
I admit I had a better spiritual life when I was single. I had more time for my spiritual development, had more time for welfare activities and religious classes.
Now, things have changed. The other half hardly understands my need to spend time in simran despite telling her of the importance of this activity.
And, I had made a decision recently that I would not want to have any children. Enough jhemeley already.
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